I may be stuck with 6 years of Amy “My mom takes Lipitor” Klobachaur, but at least I don’t have to deal with Patty “The Only Qualification I Have is that People Feel Sorry for Me Because I Lost my Son” Weterling. Patty Weterling and good old Cindy Sheehan have that in common – absolutely no qualifications to do what they’re trying to do, but they figure people must feel sorry for them, and that will get them what they want. (Not to say I don’t feel bad for them – losing a child must be absolutely devastating, but that does not in any way, shape, or form make them qualified to speak and/or act on behalf of the American people).

And, thank God, I still have a Republican governor. Tim Pawlenty beat that idiot Mike Hatch (you know, the one with the running mate who didn’t know what one of Minnesota’s main agricultural products is). It appears that Minnesotans are much more liberal when it comes to spending other people’s money than they are when it comes to spending their own. That’s why they elect whiners like Klobachaur to the Senate, but strong Conservatives to lead the state. The way they figure it, Klobachaur will bring taxes from people in places like Iowa to pay for projects in Minnesota. On the flip side, Pawlently will do everything he can as Governor to keep our state taxes low. It’s the old Utopian theory – from everyone else according to what they’ve got, and to me according to what I want. Well, I paraphrase, but you get my point.

I am happy that we were able to get two pro-life justices on the Supreme Court over the past two years. At least this horrific Demoncrat-controlled House can’t take that away from me. Even though the American people (at least the ones who voted for Demoncrats) have completely robbed me of any faith in humanity. Thanks for that. Appreciate it.

Of course, Texas still makes me happy. Rick Perry (Fightin’ Texas Aggie!) won reelection for Governor against Chris “I Just Can’t Win Anything” Bell. Someone needs to tell Chris it’s time for him to go back to practicing law. He’s unelectable – because he’s an IDIOT. If it talks like an idiot and walks like an idiot… It’s an idiot.

And my old friend Orlando Sanchez will be heading up the accountability side of the Harris County government as Treasurer. Orlando is a great guy, and he will make the citizens of Harris County proud. I also think he might be the first Hispanic to be elected to county-wide office in Harris County. I could be wrong, though.

So, that’s my take on Election 2006. Oh, here’s my bonus bit: Voters in Pennsylvania and Ohio should be ashamed. House Speaker Pelosi is about as scary as they come. You’ve helped bring San Francisco values to the United States Congress. Thanks for that.

(If you’re wondering what I am doing up at 4AM, you can rest assured that I have a sick baby).

The Democrats are it again! It’s less than a week from the election, and they’re doing everything they can to lose the election. Here is my take, as a farce in three acts.

Act 1, Scene 1: John Kerry speaking about the importance of education. Tells a group of students that if they don’t work hard, don’t complete their education, and are stupid, they’ll end up in Iraq. Whether or not he MEANT to sound so idiotic (he still claims it was supposed to be a joke about the President, who we all know is a moe-ron), he insulted a huge number of Americans. Americans who are braver than John Kerry can even fathom.

Act 1, Scene 2: Kerry refuses to give into the Republican machinery that is out to get him. “They’re trying to destroy me!” “Wah-wah, you damn pansy,” I say. “Get some balls and apologize.” But Kerry doesn’t listen to me, no matter how many times I try to call him.

Act 1, Scene 3: Kerry apologizes, but not for his remarks. No, of course not! He apologizes that other people misrepresented and misinterpreted his remarks. He thinks this is the end of it, but even his fellow Demon-crats are begging him to shut the hell up. They’re even saying “Thanks for the offer to campaign on our behalf. We think our drug-dealing love child is a much better fit for this particular audience. Maybe next time.” Assuming, of course, they’re thinking, that you keep your damn trap shut.

Act 2, Scene 1: This scene takes place in the quiet town of Alexandria, Minnesota. Judi-with-an-I Dutcher, candidate for the Lieutenant Governor’s office here in Minnesota, is being interviewed by a young reporter stud from the local ABC affiliate. He asks her what she thinks of E-85, and how it has turned around the economies of many small Minnesota towns, even saving some from extinction. Judi-with-an-I doesn’t know what E-85 is. She has no freaking clue, even though Minnesota leads the nation in E-85 production and consumption, with over 300 E-85-equipped filling stations. E-85 is something any candidate for any statewide office in Minnesota should know about. But Judi-with-an-I has no clue.

Act 2, Scene 2: Mike Hatch says that our current, Republican governor, Tim Pawlenty is sinking to “picking on a woman” for pointing out that Judi-with-an-I Dutcher does not appear qualified to serve as Lt. Governor. Hatch offends all sensible women by implying that having a uterus makes you too fragile to accept criticism for your actions.

Act 2, Scene 3: Mike Hatch continues to make an ass of himself by claiming that the ABC affiliate that first aired the Judi-with-an-I interview is owned by a “political hack.” Okay, Mikey – let’s not make more of an ass of ourselves, now.

Act 3, Scene 1: The Minnesota media outlets spend their entire A-blocks (the first part of the news before the first commercial) rehashing Judi-with-an-I’s comments and Mike Hatch’s responses. KSTP claims that they “stand by the story.”

Act 3, Scene 2: Minnesota media outlets spend a good portion of their B blocks discussing the Minnesota National Guard soldiers who made a sign imploring “Jon Carry” to help them because they were stuck in “Irak.”

For such a Blue state, I am proud of my journalists. They actually reported on stories without much bias. Impressive.